Plastic In the Afterlife

Obama slays (mostly Republicans) at the White House Correspondents Dinner

I think President Obama has a future in stand-up comedy after his term is up.  Obama laid down the laugh-inducing lumber at the recent White House Correspondents Dinner.  One of his opening jokes was how "All of you voted for me...apologies to the Fox table."  He remarked how his wife, Michelle, has the "Right to bare arms", as a reference to the recent attention her well-toned sleeveless appendages have been receiving in the press.  He gave a "shout out" to GOP Chairman Michael Steele, by saying that Steele was "in the house tonight, or as he would say 'In the heezey'."  To that Obama then added, "Whazzup?"  He then told Steele that "The Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout" and that "Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset."  Obama even ripped on those in his administration, saying of former rival Hillary Clinton that she had wooed Senator Arlen Specter away from the Republican party by whispering to him, "Arlen, you know what I always say, 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'" 

Perhaps my favorite quip of the night was when Obama said that Dick Cheney was supposed to be in attendance, but he was busy working on his memoirs, "tentatively titled 'How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People' ".  Now, maybe that's the "Slam Dunk" former CIA Director George Tenet was referring to!

     

A "Slumdog" sans the slum

The movie Slumdog Millionaire was an inspiration to many, and shed light on the plight of the millions of "slumdogs" that inhabit India's major cities.  In fact, over half of the 18 million inhabitants of Mumbai reside in slums. 

Well, Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail, the 10-year-old child star who portrayed the young Salim, the brother of the main character of the aforementioned movie, had his shack bulldozed by city workers to make way for drainage paths before the upcoming monsoons.  This is the second time in two years that Azharuddin and his family have had their shack demolished by the city.  The first time it happened was during the filming of the movie.  When this occurred, British director and producer Danny Boyle sent out a search party for the boy and found him sleeping on top of a car!  Now, homeless for the second time, the Ismail family has really hit rock bottom. 

You may be wondering how the family of the child star who was part of a movie that grossed over $300 million dollars worldwide could be so destitute?  Well, Azharuddin was paid 2,000 pounds for his part in the movie (but what about royalties?), and was placed in a school for disadvantaged children, which was the first schooling he had ever received.  Also, if Azharuddin stays in school until the age of 18, the family will receive a "significant lump-sum".  It was also reported that the family was given an undisclosed monthly amount for living expenses (for how long?).  Boyle had also promised to find proper lodging for Azharuddin and about 20 other slum children that were involved in the filming, but that promise has yet to materialize (OBVIOUSLY). 

Well, doesn't this just smack of irony?  Movie exposes the horrid conditions of the slum existence of  India's youth, and said youth gets bulldozed over by the Indian authorities.  But hey, we can all still bask in the glow of Slumdog Millionaire---just don't think of the actors as real people.  It's all just make-believe; a fairy tale.  And as you know, fairy tales always end happily ever after.  Ah...

Manny gets the whammy from MLB

Manny Ramirez, the slugger acquired by the Los Angeles Dodgers from the Boston Red Sox last July, was suspended 50 games without pay for violating Major League Baseball's Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.  A series of drug tests during spring training revealed that Ramirez had elevated levels of testosterone in his system that had come from an artificial source.  It was also revealed that MLB had obtained documents that proved that Ramirez had also used the female fertility drug human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG, which is used by steroid users to restart their bodies' natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle. 

To this evidence, Ramirez countered:  "Recently, I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me."  What was this "personal health issue"?  It has been revealed that Manny's health issue was that he was just "too manly".  Hey, with a name like "Manny", you could imagine the amount of rampant testosterone coursing through his body (hence the elevated levels of testosterone).  So that's why Manny felt the need to take this female fertility drug---in order to counteract his supreme manliness. 

Some odd side effects have occurred because of Manny's use of hCG.  For one, Manny's lactating.  Another side effect is the fact that he bursts into uncontrollable sobbing fits at even the mention of author Nicholas Sparks' name, let alone a reference to his hit novel and corresponding movie The Notebook.  Finally, a source from Manny's physician's office revealed that Manny's been rockin' the "mangina", which has led to a whole other set of issues.    

Anne Rice wants to suck the blood---of Jesus!

 Not since Benedict Arnold switched from the Americans to the British has such a shocking defection  occurred (well, at least in the literary world)---Anne Rice, the queen of vampires and the occult, and once self-proclaimed atheist, has come out of the coffin and testified about her love of the Lord.  Not only that, but the author of such famous books as Interview With a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, and Queen of the Damned, and the author who published erotic and sadomasochistic stories under two separate pseudonyms, has dedicated herself to writing a four-volume series on the life of Jesus. 

Holy Shit!