Plastic In the Afterlife

Boycotting Glenn Beck

I've been doing this for years, only now, after accusing President Obama of being a "racist" with a "deep-seeded hatred of white people", advertisers are also starting to boycott conservative talk-show host Glenn Beck.  That's right, back in July on Fox and Friends (aw, how quaint it sounds!), Mr. Beck shot off his mouth and shot himself in the foot, not once, but twice.  You see, after the initial allegation of racism, host Brian Kilmeade gave Beck a chance to remove his foot from his big mouth, and Beck, instead of retracting his original accusation, promptly put his other foot in his mouth and added: "I'm not saying he doesn't like white people, I'm saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist."  

In response to Beck's irresponsible rantings, the African-American advocacy group Color Of Change has, through its many members, pressured companies that advertised on Beck's program to cease, lest they be associated with his inflammatory conservative rhetoric, and thus be seen as tacitly condoning such views.  Thus far they have commitments from 36 major corporations that they will not advertise during Beck's time slot.

Beck has fired back on his FoxNews show by attacking the character of Van Jones, who was a former co-founder of Color of Change and a current environmental consultant (dubbed the "Green Czar") to the Obama administration.  Beck referenced how Jones had been arrested twice for political protests in the past, which led Beck to opine "Why is it that such a committed revolutionary has made it so high into the Obama administration as one of his chief advisers?"  Hello---conspiracy against White America!  Duh!    

To say that Glenn Beck is an idiot is a charge that I refuse to make, not only because it is the same kind of inflammatory rhetoric that Beck spews out, but also because it would be an insult to idiots everywhere, who themselves possess more sense than Mr. Beck. 

Ah, but issues of race and the wonderful complications that always arise from them are never as simple as they seem on the surface.  Do you remember Kanye West's angry assertion that "Bush doesn't care about black people" during a fundraising drive for the Katrina hurricane victims in New Orleans back in 2005?  First of all, that has to be one of the best television moments ever---I just love the shocked and uncomfortable expressions on Mike Meyers' and Chris Tucker's faces after West dropped his comment.  Classic!  Anyway, Color For Change, while decrying Glenn Beck's charge of racism, are guilty themselves of marketing a racist viewpoint in the fact that they are selling t-shirts that state "Kanye Was Right" boldly on the front of the shirt.  Hmmm...

"Smart" is the new Stupid.

 For a while there, it seemed that you couldn't turn your head without seeing the word "Green" or the prefix "Eco" attached to some product or company.  Now it appears that being "SMART" is all the vogue.  We've got "Smart Checking" available at pretty much every bank chain, "Smart Talk" for cell phone companies, "Smart Savings" available at area retailers, "Smart Cars", etc.  It's as if the advertising executives at every company are just mailing their jobs in these days, slapping "SMART" on everything, and then zipping out to the golf course to make their tee time.  Evidently originality is no longer  "SMART".

One of the worst violators is IBM with thier "Smart Growth" campaign that promises "smart ideas" for  "smarter cities" with "smarter transportation", "smarter policing and emergency response", "smarter power and water management" and "smarter governance" that will ultimately lead to a "smarter planet". 

Shit.  I'd better join Mensa before all of this smartness wears off.

Crazy religious shit.

   If someone directed you to the site chick.com, you'd probably think they were peddling some lascivious site with scantily-clad ladies of ill repute.  Oh, if   only that were the case.  You see, Chick Publications, Inc. is actually a Protestant fundamentalist organization that puts out all those crazy little religious comic books that fanatics screaming on street corners hand out to passersby, or leave in public places like bathroom stalls.  These wacko "cartoon tracts" are designed to deride evils like the Roman Catholic Church, Islam, homosexuality, Halloween, Dungeons & Dragons, and many other perceived evils that founder Jack T. Chick disagrees with, and to shock readers into converting to Christianity.  My personal favorite is the tract entitled "Fairy Tales", in which a boy's parents tell him insidious lies like the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus exist.  One day some of his classmates tell him that there is no Santa Claus and that his parents lied to him, so this enraged 8-year-old promptly kills the two offending boys.  Ho, ho, ho, bitches!  Then while in juvenile hall, he strangles his cellmate to death!  After being released from prison at the age of 18, the boy ends up on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List for unnamed heinous crimes, and his picture appears right next to none other than Osama Frickin' Bin  Laden!  Long story short, the kid is eventually executed without ever repenting.  Burn motherfucka, burn!

You may have also come across these crazy mailings from Saint Matthew's Churches, which is a mail-based ministry run by a former tent minister who made his fortune writing religious fundraising letters that promise personal gain and financial rewards if the recipient of the letter mails back some moolah.  The organization earned $6 million a month in 2007, which founder James Eugene "Gene" Ewing puts to good use furnishing his $2.2 million, 6,400-square-foot home above Beverly Hills.  Wait---before you become indignant over this seeming extravagance, understand that Ewing only bought the house to "glorify God".  The letter I received from Ewing's organization even included testimonials from believers (a.k.a.- stoopid dickwads) who attributed their financial gain to divine influence.  For instance, "A.H.W" from New Jersey writes "[the Lord] blessed me with exactly $3,000."  Hey "A.W.H.", are scratch-off tickets in the Garden State considered to be instruments of "[the Lord]"?  "A.B." from Tennessee writes "...The Lord financially blessed me with a sum of money in the amount of $10,390.32...May God bless you all forever."  Is that before or after taxes?   And finally, "A.P.", also from Tennessee (which evidently is a favorite hangout for God and Son) writes "I will receive $24,750.00...May God bless you all..."  Yeah, that is if that embezzlement scheme goes off without a hitch.

It's crazy shit like this that is causing an increasingly secularized nation to gravitate further towards a state of disbelief.  In the meantime, don't go lying to your kid about Santa Claus, lest you spawn the next Charles Manson or something.