Plastic In the Afterlife

WTF?!? Waterboarding for Toddlers?

Joshua Tabor, and Army sergeant who served 15 months in Iraq, was recently arrested for and confessed to waterboarding his 4 year-old daughter for refusing to recite her ABCs after being forced to practice them for three hours straight.  Tabor told investigators that he was concerned that his daughter was "behind mentally for where she should be for her age," and that "his purpose was to punish her by putting her in the water because he knows she is afraid of it and he wanted her to cooperate."  He then added that "She said her letters after that."  Well, you showed her what for, big man!

Upon questioning, the daughter confirmed that "Daddy was upset becuase she wouldn't say her letters" and waterboarded her as a result of her refusal.  As to the torturous event itself, she related how "It was hot! The water was hot!  I told him I would say my letters then!"  In true toddler fashion, amidst the horror of the fact that she was being repeatedly dunked in the sink, one of the things she focused on was the fact that "My heart shirt got wet."  Well, I think a fitting punishment for this scumbag Tabor is to get waterboarded and then to have his heart ripped out, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom style!

Former vice-president Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment on the matter, though I wonder if he would consider Mr. Tabor's methods to be "enhanced interrogation techniques", or is it torture only when its victims are considered to be a "terrorist" or an "enemy combatant"---ie.: male, from the Middle-East, Muslim, etc.? 

Vancouver Olympic Opening Ceremonies: The Beauty of Imperfection

There was a good reason for the sweat on Wayne Gretzky's upper lip and for the wider-than-wide "what the fuck is going on" shit-eating grin on Steve Nash's face as they stood in the center of the indoor Olympic stadium waiting for the Olympic Cauldron to rise from the stadium floor.  Ahem, I said, "To rise from the stadium floor!"  Um...is something wrong?

When three giant pillars that resembled ice shards emerged from the floor, with the main cauldron itself rising in the center, it became readily apparent that the fourth pillar had malfunctioned and was not going to be making an appearance.  Nope, there was no hiding this kind of snafu.  I'm sure the creative director responsible for this spectacle was furiously pushing buttons and pulling levers behind the scenes, and, after changing his pants, slowly resigned himself to the fact that things were not going to go as planned and just said, "Fuck it." 

Hey, the way I look at it, you have to give these folks a pass.  The opening ceremonies were stunning and classy, complete with some truly poignant moments, like when there was a minute of silence for the Georgian luge slider who was killed when he had lost control of his sled during a test run and was hurled into the railing at 95 miles an hour.  You could have heard a pin drop in that stadium of 60,000 people as the Canadian and Olympic flags were lowered to half-mast in honor of the fallen athlete. 

So what if one of the pillars didn't work?  If anything, I feel that the fallen pillar was a fitting, albeit unintentional symbol for the fallen Georgian athlete.  Also, I think that the malfunction and the death of the Georgian athlete prove that things do not always go as planned, and that sometimes you have to just carry on with things as they are, because that's as good as it's going to get at the moment.  In that spirit, the assembled torchbearers gathered together to light the Olympic Cauldron in unison, even though it was not in its fully-intended form.  Also in the spirit of carrying on in the face of adversity, the remaining Georgian athletes, who had considered going home after their shocking tragedy, collectively decided to compete in this year's games to honor not only their fallen comrade, but also the Olympic spirit.

Kudos to the people of Canada and the world for a great opening ceremony.  I can only hope that this mix of mishaps and moments of near-perfection will remind all of us that we all are imperfect, but in recognizing this reality, we can still strive to be the best we can be in all that we do in life.  GO OLYMPICS!!!