A 2-year-old octopus named Paul that resides in a German aquarium has accurately picked all of Germany's victories and defeats in the 2010 World Cup soccer tournament. This aquatic invertebrate makes his picks using the scientific method of opening a glass box containing food that has a country's flag affixed to it. His lore has so grown to the point that some German television networks, in addition to networks in Spain, the Netherlands and elsewhere in Europe have opted to interrupt normal programming in order to broadcast Paul’s decision live.
Needless to say, Paul's recent pick of Spain over the Netherlands had Spanish soccer fans in a buzz---in
fact, the first true buzz they've had as a nation over an octopus that wasn't boiled, then garnished with paprika, rock salt and olive oil and called "pulpo a la Gallega". German fans have been a bit less thrilled about Paul's accuracy, which has earned Germany a third-place finish in the tournament. Some threats have even been levied towards this eight-legged creature. However, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, Spain's prime minister, was quoted as saying, "I am concerned for the octopus…I am thinking of sending
him a protective team.”
If Spain does in fact beat the Netherlands on Sunday, Paul's stock will shoot through the roof. In anticipation for such a potential windfall, this intelligent invertebrate has procured famed slimeball sports agent Drew Rosenhaus to help him navigate the treacherous waters of television network reality show offers. Already Animal Planet has fielded an offer, as has TLC, weary about the prospects of Kate Plus Eight and her brand of self-conscious bitchiness. As one TLC executive noted, "I think that a reality show featuring Paul the octopus would make people squirm less than watching a half-hour of Kate Gosselin screwin' up her kids' minds again."
As if this craziness wasn't enough, the same porno company that put out a Tiger Woods-themed porno entitled "Tiger's Wood" is rushing a Paul the octopus-themed porno to DVD before the end of the month. Working titles include: "Eight Is Enough", "Inkin' the Hole", and "Octopussies". In a related press-release, Paul's spokesperson said that Paul is considering a lawsuit against the pornographers and their Paul look-a-like octopus Gary.
Only time will tell how this crazy sea-born saga will play out. Who knows---maybe years from now a washed-up Paul the octopus will be hawking a few of his tentacles on EBay, hoping to make back some of the money he squandered on cocaine and callgirls. Keep tuned, folks.



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