Two dolphins died at the Swiss marine park Connyland after a two-day rave was held just yards from the dolphin's pool. Evidently dolphins don't like house music. Not only were these poor dolphins subjected to noise levels measured at 100 decibels (equivalent to "a pneumatic drill on top volume"), but there is a possibility that some of the ravers may have put some elicit drugs in their pool. I guess they thought the dolphins would have a nice "trip", but the only trip they got was to dolphin heaven.
It turns out that since 2003, Connyland had 24 out of 36 dolphins either go belly-up or their fate is "unknown". Unknown? Better check out the tuna canning plant down the street on those ones.The two most recent deaths of the dolphins Shadow and Chelmers are the seventh and eighth dolphins to go to Davey Jones' locker at Connyland in the past three years.
If you're interested, sign this petition from Change.org to close down Connyland. Oh, and put away your pacifiers and glow sticks---all future raves at Connyland have been postponed indefinitely.
What, you ask, is the first reason why I hate Major League Baseball?
It's incredibly boring. I'd sooner watch a competitive eating contest
or a dog show than subject myself to the droll undertaking that is
purported to be "America's Game" (wait---isn't football
"America's Game"?).
Anyways, another thing I cannot stand about
the "Majors" is the incredible disparity between the "haves" and the
"have-nots". Basically, in the absence of a salary cap (and thus, the
absence of even the semblance of true competitiveness among the 30 teams
in the league), teams without filthy-stinking-rich owners have
essentially no chance to win the World Series, let alone get into the
playoffs.
The Associated Press figured out the payrolls of the
30 teams for the 2010 season and, lo and behold, the
New York friggin'
Yankees came in at the top spot with a payroll of $206 million! Believe
it or not, they actually went a bit over the $200 million "budget" that
the Steinbrenner boys and GM Brian (no pun intended) Cashman had set
prior to this season. Oopsies!
Who's in second place?
Hmmm...the Tampa Bay Rays? No...the Washington Nationals? Nope. I know
it'll be a big shock, but in second place with a payroll of $162
million dollars are the (gasp!) Boston Red Sox!
How
inspiring. I feel like sticking my head in a piranha-filled fish tank
to help dull the pain of hearing all of the ridiculous hype that occurs
whenever the Yankees and the Red Sox play each other---especially in the
World Series. Heck, is there even a World Series when the Yankees or
the Red Sox are not in it? God knows I can't wait till the Yankees win their 28th World
Series! I don't know about you, but appearing in 40 out of the 105
World Series is just not fucking enough for me! I'm Jonesin' for more!
The
Yankees are the Walmart of baseball, so I guess that would make the
Red Sox Target. They are brands that are so eagerly snatched off of hat
racks and hangers nationwide in a propaganda-induced frenzy of blind
devotion (and consumerism) to the point where you can put 100 fine
American citizens in a room, and at least a third, if not half of these
folks will either be wearing some Yankees or Red Sox apparel, or are
fans of the said teams. Try this---stand somewhere crowded and randomly
ask people two questions: 1) Did you shop at Walmart or Target in the
past week? and 2) do you like either the Yankees or the Red Sox?
Tally up the yays and the nays. You'll be surprised at the utter
homogenization of the people around you. It's like that scene in Pink
Floyd's The Wall where all the kids have the same faces and fall off the
conveyor belt into the meat grinder.
So...in other sports news,
the Pittsburgh
Pirates just got blown out
by the Milwaukee Brewers 20 to 0. Yes, the score was TWENTY to fucking
ZERO. That's the worst loss in team history; and we're talking about a
team that's been around since 1891! This once-proud franchise that has
5 World Series wins and 9 pennants under its belt just got got
simultaneously wedgied and swirlied in front of entire nation. That's
just fucking horrible. Did they even get a hit? Y'know what's even
more horrible? The fact that this team, whose payroll of $34
million---which is dead-last in the league---has not been to the
playoffs since the 1992 season when they had (pre-steriods?) Barry Bonds
and Bobby Bonilla. They haven't had a winning season in 17 years! And
I've got the inside-dope for ya---they're going to have another losing
season this year as well!
$206 million payroll vs. $34 million
payroll. One of these teams will end up in the playoffs, possibly in
the World Series. The other one will end up in the gutter like a dead
rat. One's the fat cat, the other's the rat. Guess which is which.
Health Care Reform has been an emotional issue, and due to high emotions, not an altogether rational one. One way to temper the irrational fears born of relentless fearmongering by various conservative groups, such as the "Teabaggers", is to present cold, hard facts to the contrary. On one hand, examine the fact that 1 in 6 (46.3 million) Americans are uninsured, and of that number, 8 in 10 are members of working families---not "freeloaders" as many have argued. Also, according to a Time magazine report, "Eighty percent
of those without health insurance are native-born or naturalized
citizens. However, immigrants are more likely to be uninsured than legal
residents. Racial minorities are also disproportionately represented;
about one-third of Hispanics and one-fifth of blacks go without
insurance, compared with 13% of whites." This disproportionate representation and the largely white conservative backlash against Health Care Reform certainly could lead one to draw the conclusion that the ruling white majority is doing what it can to preserve the power balance that it currently enjoys, and that many in the majority fear that any change in health care equity will further tip the scales of equality in the favor of minority classes. As Arsenio Hall used to say, "Things that make you go 'Hmm...' ".
Anyway, how discouraging it was to learn that a few extreme Health Care Reform opponents took to throwing a brick through the window of the Democratic Headquarters in Rochester, NY and also through the window of Democratic Congresswoman Louise Slaughter's Niagara Falls office. Affixed to the brick thrown through Slaughter's window was a note that read "Exremism [sic] in the defense of liberty is no vice". Um, learn how to spell, douche bag. Mike Vanderboegh, author of the conservative Alabama-based blog Sipsey Street Irregulars (no link provided, thank you), said in a telephone interview with WHAM News 13 out of Rochester, NY: "I’m advocating broken windows. I’m advocating vandalism...Wake up and understand what is happening in this country. You need to
start listening to people who you think you didn't have to pay any
attention to, because sooner or later they will get your attention". Brick-by-brick, I guess. Well, this brickhead is claiming that he was the inspiration for the incidents that occurred in New York State, as well as similar incidents that occurred in Tucson and Kansas. Hey---there's a proud legacy to leave to your children. Um, if you don't already have any offspring, Mike---don't spawn, alright?
To make matters worse for Louise Slaughter, there was a recent voicemail left at her campaign headquarters that advocated "assassination" "toward the children of lawmakers who voted yes." Ironic how Slaughter, who championed a bill that would help preserve human life is herself being threatened with death, as are the innocent children of like-minded legislators. Highly illogical, captain.
But geez, I sure can understand how utterly enraged opponents to the Health Care Reform bill must be when they consider the fact that this bill would now make it illegal for health insurance companies to deny people coverage based on what they consider to be "pre-existing conditions", such as domestic abuse, for one. Ah, the injustices of this reform! The humanity!
Maybe some people should consider grabbing a brick and knocking some sense into their own heads; how's that sound?
Joshua Tabor, and Army sergeant who served 15 months in Iraq, was recently arrested for and confessed to waterboarding his 4 year-old daughter for refusing to recite her ABCs after being forced to practice them for three hours straight. Tabor told investigators that he was concerned that his daughter was "behind mentally for where she should be for her age," and that "his purpose was to punish her by putting her in the water because he
knows she is afraid of it and he wanted her to cooperate." He then added that "She said her letters after that." Well, you showed her what for, big man!
Upon questioning, the daughter confirmed that "Daddy was upset becuase she wouldn't say her letters" and waterboarded her as a result of her refusal. As to the torturous event itself, she related how "It was hot! The water was hot! I told him I would say my letters then!" In true toddler fashion, amidst the horror of the fact that she was being repeatedly dunked in the sink, one of the things she focused on was the fact that "My heart shirt got wet." Well, I think a fitting punishment for this scumbag Tabor is to get waterboarded and then to have his heart ripped out, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom style!
Former vice-president Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment on the matter, though I wonder if he would consider Mr. Tabor's methods to be "enhanced interrogation techniques", or is it torture only when its victims are considered to be a "terrorist" or an "enemy combatant"---ie.: male, from the Middle-East, Muslim, etc.?
Is Italy a sexist nation that openly engages in the exploitation of its women? Well, having traveled through Italy I know that it was not uncommon to see racks full of magazines and newspapers plastered with pictures of scantily-dressed (or naked) women. These fine publications were in full display and they weren't of the Playboy or Penthouse variety---these were regular news magazines and newspapers. Sex sells, right? Take, for example, this collection of ads from the Italian clothier Relish Clothing that depict policemen roughing up young female "suspects". These ads were plastered on billboards all over Italy---yes, even the one of a cop grinding a woman's face into the pavement. These ads went even farther into the depiction of violence and degradation of women than did the 2007 "gang rape" ad by Italian clothing designers Dolce & Gabbana. Sure, companies often try to "push the envelope" when it comes to sexy advertisements, but most are contained within the pages of magazines---not on billboards for all to see.
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been implicated in various political and sexual scandals in his tenure. His second wife is divorcing him and claimed that he "consorts with minors". His other alleged sexual exploits include having sex with a prostitute after a party and having a relationship with an 18 year-old underwear model. In addition, Berlusconi faces a bribery trial hearing and is being investigated for possible connections to the Mafia. Despite these and other scandals, Berlusconi has not suffered much politically and maintains great popularity among Italians. Berlusconi has claimed publicly that he is "no saint" and remains unrepentant over his transgressions.
Berlusconi is also a brazen sexist pig, who has repeatedly publicly degraded women. In an NPR story on Berlusconi, they cite many of his horrifically tasteless quotes, such as this one in which he states that "Women are 'God's most beautiful gift to men.' In order to prevent
rape, 'we would need as many soldiers as there are beautiful Italian
women.' " The report also cites how "Berlusconi, 73, boasts of the good looks of his party's
young female members of parliament, dismissing the opposition ranks as
menopausal." In response to charges that he slept with a prostitute, Berlusconi retorted: "For
those who love to conquer, the joy and the most beautiful satisfaction
is in the conquest. If you have to pay, what joy is there?" As if that wasn't enough, Berlusconi called
in to a talk show and said to female opposition
parliament member, Rosy Bindi, "You're more beautiful than you are intelligent."
So, you may be saying to yourself, "How the fuck does this corrupt sexist idiot not only still have a job, but also enjoy widespread popularity?" Well, I guess as in advertising, sex sells. Prime Minister Berlusconi may not be a "saint", but that is evidently what many find appealing about this man. In some respects, one can see some parallels between Berlusconi and Bill Clinton in regards to their personal-made-public foibles. It's great theatre---or at least a national trashy soap opera. That's why talk shows like Maury Povich and reality shows like Big Brother exist---who can truly not rubberneck when they pass a car crash?
Anyway, to further heighten the absurd seeming approval of Berlusconi, the Italian edition of Rolling Stone magazine declared this man their "Rock Star of the Year". Rock star? I thought this guy was an elected leader of a powerful European nation? Rolling Stone editor Carlo Antonelli says that the editorial staff unanimously nominated Berlusconi because he has the "lifestyle worth of the greatest rock star" and that "Rod Stewart, Brian Jones, Keith Richards in their prime
were schoolboys compared to him." Well, I wish I could say "ROCK ON!" to this ridiculous choice, but the only thing that can be said is "Walk on", as in "walk on out of office, you sexist pig."
I've been doing this for years, only now, after accusing President Obama of being a "racist" with a "deep-seeded hatred of white people", advertisers are also starting to boycott conservative talk-show host Glenn Beck. That's right, back in July on Fox and Friends (aw, how quaint it sounds!), Mr. Beck shot off his mouth and shot himself in the foot, not once, but twice. You see, after the initial allegation of racism, host Brian Kilmeade gave Beck a chance to remove his foot from his big mouth, and Beck, instead of retracting his original accusation, promptly put his other foot in his mouth and added: "I'm not saying he doesn't like white people, I'm saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist."
In response to Beck's irresponsible rantings, the African-American advocacy group Color Of Change has, through its many members, pressured companies that advertised on Beck's program to cease, lest they be associated with his inflammatory conservative rhetoric, and thus be seen as tacitly condoning such views. Thus far they have commitments from 36 major corporations that they will not advertise during Beck's time slot.
Beck has fired back on his FoxNews show by attacking the character of Van Jones, who was a former co-founder of Color of Change and a current environmental consultant (dubbed the "Green Czar") to the Obama administration. Beck referenced how Jones had been arrested twice for political protests in the past, which led Beck to opine "Why is it that such a committed revolutionary has made it so high into the Obama administration as one of his chief advisers?" Hello---conspiracy against White America! Duh!
To say that Glenn Beck is an idiot is a charge that I refuse to make, not only because it is the same kind of inflammatory rhetoric that Beck spews out, but also because it would be an insult to idiots everywhere, who themselves possess more sense than Mr. Beck.
Ah, but issues of race and the wonderful complications that always arise from them are never as simple as they seem on the surface. Do you remember Kanye West's angry assertion that "Bush doesn't care about black people" during a fundraising drive for the Katrina hurricane victims in New Orleans back in 2005? First of all, that has to be one of the best television moments ever---I just love the shocked and uncomfortable expressions on Mike Meyers' and Chris Tucker's faces after West dropped his comment. Classic! Anyway, Color For Change, while decrying Glenn Beck's charge of racism, are guilty themselves of marketing a racist viewpoint in the fact that they are selling t-shirts that state "Kanye Was Right" boldly on the front of the shirt. Hmmm...
For a while there, it seemed that you couldn't turn your head without seeing the word "Green" or the prefix "Eco" attached to some product or company. Now it appears that being "SMART" is all the vogue. We've got "Smart Checking" available at pretty much every bank chain, "Smart Talk" for cell phone companies, "Smart Savings" available at area retailers, "Smart Cars", etc. It's as if the advertising executives at every company are just mailing their jobs in these days, slapping "SMART" on everything, and then zipping out to the golf course to make their tee time. Evidently originality is no longer "SMART".
One of the worst violators is IBM with thier "Smart Growth" campaign that promises "smart ideas" for "smarter cities" with "smarter transportation", "smarter policing and emergency response", "smarter power and water management" and "smarter governance" that will ultimately lead to a "smarter planet".
Shit. I'd better join Mensa before all of this smartness wears off.
If someone directed you to the site chick.com, you'd probably think they were peddling some lascivious site with scantily-clad ladies of ill repute. Oh, if only that were the case. You see, Chick Publications, Inc. is actually a Protestant fundamentalist organization that puts out all those crazy little religious comic books that fanatics screaming on street corners hand out to passersby, or leave in public places like bathroom stalls. These wacko "cartoon tracts" are designed to deride evils like the Roman Catholic Church, Islam, homosexuality, Halloween, Dungeons & Dragons, and many other perceived evils that founder Jack T. Chick disagrees with, and to shock readers into converting to Christianity. My personal favorite is the tract entitled "Fairy Tales", in which a boy's parents tell him insidious lies like the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus exist. One day some of his classmates tell him that there is no Santa Claus and that his parents lied to him, so this enraged 8-year-old promptly kills the two offending boys. Ho, ho, ho, bitches! Then while in juvenile hall, he strangles his cellmate to death! After being released from prison at the age of 18, the boy ends up on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List for unnamed heinous crimes, and his picture appears right next to none other than Osama Frickin' Bin Laden! Long story short, the kid is eventually executed without ever repenting. Burn motherfucka, burn!
You may have also come across these crazy mailings from Saint Matthew's Churches, which is a mail-based ministry run by a former tent minister who made his fortune writing religious fundraising letters that promise personal gain and financial rewards if the recipient of the letter mails back some moolah. The organization earned $6 million a month in 2007, which founder James Eugene "Gene" Ewing puts to good use furnishing his $2.2 million, 6,400-square-foot home above Beverly Hills. Wait---before you become indignant over this seeming extravagance, understand that Ewing only bought the house to "glorify God". The letter I received from Ewing's organization even included testimonials from believers (a.k.a.- stoopid dickwads) who attributed their financial gain to divine influence. For instance, "A.H.W" from New Jersey writes "[the Lord] blessed me with exactly $3,000." Hey "A.W.H.", are scratch-off tickets in the Garden State considered to be instruments of "[the Lord]"? "A.B." from Tennessee writes "...The Lord financially blessed me with a sum of money in the amount of $10,390.32...May God bless you all forever." Is that before or after taxes? And finally, "A.P.", also from Tennessee (which evidently is a favorite hangout for God and Son) writes "I will receive $24,750.00...May God bless you all..." Yeah, that is if that embezzlement scheme goes off without a hitch.
It's crazy shit like this that is causing an increasingly secularized nation to gravitate further towards a state of disbelief. In the meantime, don't go lying to your kid about Santa Claus, lest you spawn the next Charles Manson or something.
Jesse Parsons, 25, of Spencerport, NY was sentenced to 5 1/2 years in prison for attacking a gay man in a Spencerport bar back in March of 2008. That March night, Parsons was heard directing gay slurs at Lance Neve, 26, and his partner, and when Neve turned to leave the bar, Parsons, like all brave souls, came up behind Neves, knocking him unconscious, and beating him mercilessly while on the ground. Originally, Parsons faced up to 15 years for committing a hate crime, but had plead down to a second-degree assault, a felony, and was given a 4 year sentence. The original leniency was due in part to the fact that the victim, Lance Neve, took pity on Parsons and his family.
Well, all that went out the window when at his sentencing in November, Parsons came out and said to the judge that, “I didn't mean to hurt Lance as bad as I did, but he did deserve what he got." The judge promptly laid down the lumber and pulled Parsons' original plea deal, letting him stand trial again, possibly facing the full 15 years. Parsons' attorney, Mark Young, asked the judge to rethink his quick rescinding of Parsons' plea, and then promptly said to his client, "A dumbass says 'What?' " Well, you know what Parsons' reply was.
The end result of this was an extra year and a half tacked onto his original 4-year plea, and Parsons will have to pay more than $24,000 in Neve's medical expenses, as well as be subject to post-release supervision. While Parsons may not have received the 15-year sentence he deserved, it just goes to show how one's own stupidity can be one's ultimate undoing, which is the sweetest form of justice.
Meanwhile at the state pennitentiary, Big Bubba, Parsons' future roomate, is preparing for Parsons' arrival by reading up on the Karma Sutra (for ideas) and creating a list of "shower buddies" to make sure Parsons has someone to loofa his back and soap him down while behind bars. Hey, if the jailhouse is a-rockin', don't come a-knocking!
We live in a consumer society, and for years politicians have practically played up being a slave to capitalism as being your patriotic duty. The ironic thing is that instead of the rallying cry of "Buy American!", they might as well be saying "Buy Chinese!", since every bit of plastic crap people snatch eagerly off Walmart shelves comes from our neighbors from the Far East, but whatever. In a climate of unchecked spending, Americans have dug their own holes of debt, with credit cards companies handing us the shovels with which to bury ourselves.
In response to the usurous practices of credit card companies, Congress recently passed the Credit Cardholders' Bill of Rights Act of 2009 in order to stop said practices and protect consumers from getting hoodwinked. Looks great; that is, save for that pesky small print.
You see, there are some strange bedfellows one must commune with when trying to get a bill passed, and this bill's paramours were Oklahoma's Republican Senator Tom Coburn and the National Rifle Association. He, along with fellow Republicans and the more conservative elements of the Democratic Party, introduced a provision into the bill that allows owners of licensed firearms to bring them into national parks and wildlife refuges, as long as they are allowed to do so by state law. Said Senator Coburn, “The Federal laws should make it clear that the second amendment rights of an individual at a unit of the National Park System or the National Wildlife Refuge System should not be infringed."
Gee, thanks, Tom. So, the next time I'm out camping with my family, do I have to worry that some cowboy from Oklahoma's going to pop a cap in my ass when I'm sitting around the campfire roasting some marshmallows? Why the hell are totally unrelated provisions even allowed to be tacked onto bills? So, just in the interest of securing the necessary votes to pass the bill, liberal Democrats have to pander not only to the Republicans, and to the more conservative elements of their own party, but also to the NRA? Said California Senator Barbara Boxer, "It's a shame, but you have to come to a realization around here that at this point in time, the NRA gets the votes." Aw, shoot! So, I should give you a pass on this one, eh, Miss Boxer? This is yet another reason to not trust our elected officials. Even though the promise of change still rings in my ears from Obama's successful election, the truth of the matter is that practices like this will continue to go on. Where's the outraged cries of Americans over this matter? Well, they're too busy texting and shutting themselves off from the world by permenantly planting thier ear buds into their earholes to even notice crap like this.
Well, I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em---I'm packin' my AK-47 when I go camping this summer. It's going to be a BLAST!
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