Two dolphins died at the Swiss marine park Connyland after a two-day rave was held just yards from the dolphin's pool. Evidently dolphins don't like house music. Not only were these poor dolphins subjected to noise levels measured at 100 decibels (equivalent to "a pneumatic drill on top volume"), but there is a possibility that some of the ravers may have put some elicit drugs in their pool. I guess they thought the dolphins would have a nice "trip", but the only trip they got was to dolphin heaven.
It turns out that since 2003, Connyland had 24 out of 36 dolphins either go belly-up or their fate is "unknown". Unknown? Better check out the tuna canning plant down the street on those ones.The two most recent deaths of the dolphins Shadow and Chelmers are the seventh and eighth dolphins to go to Davey Jones' locker at Connyland in the past three years.
If you're interested, sign this petition from Change.org to close down Connyland. Oh, and put away your pacifiers and glow sticks---all future raves at Connyland have been postponed indefinitely.
A 2-year-old octopus named Paul that resides in a German aquarium has accurately picked all of Germany's victories and defeats in the 2010 World Cup soccer tournament. This aquatic invertebrate makes his picks using the scientific method of opening a glass box containing food that has a country's flag affixed to it. His lore has so grown to the point that some German television networks, in addition to networks in Spain, the Netherlands and elsewhere in Europe have opted to interrupt normal programming in order to
broadcast Paul’s decision live.
Needless to say, Paul's recent pick of Spain over the Netherlands had Spanish soccer fans in a buzz---in
fact, the first true buzz they've had as a nation over an octopus that wasn't boiled, then garnished with paprika, rock salt and olive oil and called "pulpo a la Gallega". German fans have been a bit less thrilled about Paul's accuracy, which has earned Germany a third-place finish in the tournament. Some threats have even been levied towards this eight-legged creature. However, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, Spain's prime minister, was quoted as saying, "I am concerned for the octopus…I am thinking of sending
him a protective team.”
If Spain does in fact beat the Netherlands on Sunday, Paul's stock will shoot through the roof. In anticipation for such a potential windfall, this intelligent invertebrate has procured famed slimeball sports agent Drew Rosenhaus to help him navigate the treacherous waters of television network reality show offers. Already Animal Planet has fielded an offer, as has TLC, weary about the prospects of Kate Plus Eight and her brand of self-conscious bitchiness. As one TLC executive noted, "I think that a reality show featuring Paul the octopus would make people squirm less than watching a half-hour of Kate Gosselin screwin' up her kids' minds again."
As if this craziness wasn't enough, the same porno company that put out a Tiger Woods-themed porno entitled "Tiger's Wood" is rushing a Paul the octopus-themed porno to DVD before the end of the month. Working titles include: "Eight Is Enough", "Inkin' the Hole", and "Octopussies". In a related press-release, Paul's spokesperson said that Paul is considering a lawsuit against the pornographers and their Paul look-a-like octopus Gary.
Only time will tell how this crazy sea-born saga will play out. Who knows---maybe years from now a washed-up Paul the octopus will be hawking a few of his tentacles on EBay, hoping to make back some of the money he squandered on cocaine and callgirls. Keep tuned, folks.
Joshua Tabor, and Army sergeant who served 15 months in Iraq, was recently arrested for and confessed to waterboarding his 4 year-old daughter for refusing to recite her ABCs after being forced to practice them for three hours straight. Tabor told investigators that he was concerned that his daughter was "behind mentally for where she should be for her age," and that "his purpose was to punish her by putting her in the water because he
knows she is afraid of it and he wanted her to cooperate." He then added that "She said her letters after that." Well, you showed her what for, big man!
Upon questioning, the daughter confirmed that "Daddy was upset becuase she wouldn't say her letters" and waterboarded her as a result of her refusal. As to the torturous event itself, she related how "It was hot! The water was hot! I told him I would say my letters then!" In true toddler fashion, amidst the horror of the fact that she was being repeatedly dunked in the sink, one of the things she focused on was the fact that "My heart shirt got wet." Well, I think a fitting punishment for this scumbag Tabor is to get waterboarded and then to have his heart ripped out, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom style!
Former vice-president Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment on the matter, though I wonder if he would consider Mr. Tabor's methods to be "enhanced interrogation techniques", or is it torture only when its victims are considered to be a "terrorist" or an "enemy combatant"---ie.: male, from the Middle-East, Muslim, etc.?
Is Italy a sexist nation that openly engages in the exploitation of its women? Well, having traveled through Italy I know that it was not uncommon to see racks full of magazines and newspapers plastered with pictures of scantily-dressed (or naked) women. These fine publications were in full display and they weren't of the Playboy or Penthouse variety---these were regular news magazines and newspapers. Sex sells, right? Take, for example, this collection of ads from the Italian clothier Relish Clothing that depict policemen roughing up young female "suspects". These ads were plastered on billboards all over Italy---yes, even the one of a cop grinding a woman's face into the pavement. These ads went even farther into the depiction of violence and degradation of women than did the 2007 "gang rape" ad by Italian clothing designers Dolce & Gabbana. Sure, companies often try to "push the envelope" when it comes to sexy advertisements, but most are contained within the pages of magazines---not on billboards for all to see.
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been implicated in various political and sexual scandals in his tenure. His second wife is divorcing him and claimed that he "consorts with minors". His other alleged sexual exploits include having sex with a prostitute after a party and having a relationship with an 18 year-old underwear model. In addition, Berlusconi faces a bribery trial hearing and is being investigated for possible connections to the Mafia. Despite these and other scandals, Berlusconi has not suffered much politically and maintains great popularity among Italians. Berlusconi has claimed publicly that he is "no saint" and remains unrepentant over his transgressions.
Berlusconi is also a brazen sexist pig, who has repeatedly publicly degraded women. In an NPR story on Berlusconi, they cite many of his horrifically tasteless quotes, such as this one in which he states that "Women are 'God's most beautiful gift to men.' In order to prevent
rape, 'we would need as many soldiers as there are beautiful Italian
women.' " The report also cites how "Berlusconi, 73, boasts of the good looks of his party's
young female members of parliament, dismissing the opposition ranks as
menopausal." In response to charges that he slept with a prostitute, Berlusconi retorted: "For
those who love to conquer, the joy and the most beautiful satisfaction
is in the conquest. If you have to pay, what joy is there?" As if that wasn't enough, Berlusconi called
in to a talk show and said to female opposition
parliament member, Rosy Bindi, "You're more beautiful than you are intelligent."
So, you may be saying to yourself, "How the fuck does this corrupt sexist idiot not only still have a job, but also enjoy widespread popularity?" Well, I guess as in advertising, sex sells. Prime Minister Berlusconi may not be a "saint", but that is evidently what many find appealing about this man. In some respects, one can see some parallels between Berlusconi and Bill Clinton in regards to their personal-made-public foibles. It's great theatre---or at least a national trashy soap opera. That's why talk shows like Maury Povich and reality shows like Big Brother exist---who can truly not rubberneck when they pass a car crash?
Anyway, to further heighten the absurd seeming approval of Berlusconi, the Italian edition of Rolling Stone magazine declared this man their "Rock Star of the Year". Rock star? I thought this guy was an elected leader of a powerful European nation? Rolling Stone editor Carlo Antonelli says that the editorial staff unanimously nominated Berlusconi because he has the "lifestyle worth of the greatest rock star" and that "Rod Stewart, Brian Jones, Keith Richards in their prime
were schoolboys compared to him." Well, I wish I could say "ROCK ON!" to this ridiculous choice, but the only thing that can be said is "Walk on", as in "walk on out of office, you sexist pig."
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